The beginning of the journey (page 1 of 2)

Now, what about the older generation - how do they perceive life was 10 to 15 years back, and how does it compare nowadays. Our research shows the following.

10 to 15 years ago females had to struggle hard to finish their education. The father and the eldest brother often refused to let a girl finish her education. Their logic was that they believed marriage was the destiny of women and so they didn't need to waste time with education. In such cases the subject was often not even open to discussion and certainly the woman concerned did not dare to stand in front of her father or brother to object or express an opinion.

The lack of ultimate job opportunities - except for teaching - was one factor which discouraged women and deterred them from having ambitions and dreams about a career.

Relationships between mothers and their children were also often not close or intimate. A daughter often could not even tell her mother what was going on in her mind. And even if she had that privilege, it would take an exceptional mother to have the courage to stand up for her daughter on such an issue.

The home environment was conservative or formal and this extended to fashion. Even at home a girl was rarely allowed to wear anything apart from a loose fitting long gown, certainly not figure-revealing trousers.

As marriage was considered the ultimate aim, girls were brought up to be always concerned about that ambition. As soon as a girl turned 16 the family would start to look at prospective husbands. Once a marriage proposal was forthcoming, the girl was informed and she would be expected to accept without seeing or talking to the man. She was not allowed to see him - and neither was he allowed to see her. Although in some cases undoubtedly the girl would get to see a photo of her groom, in theory the first time either had the chance to see each other was on the day of 'Melka" (the marriage contract). On that day the bride saw her husband for the first time ; and the next time would be on the wedding day itself.

They could only start to know each other after marriage. Usually the bride moved in with the husband's family. She was expected to help her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law with the household chores. It would be unacceptable to either the mother-in-law, or her husband, if she refused.

So the conservative relationship with parents and eldest brothers, the limited education, and the future that she could see ahead of her, all combined to prevent a girl from thinking about herself and allowing herself some selfish ambitions and dreams. She knew that she wouldn't be able to fulfill those ambitions, so why dream. She accepted her fate as a woman and concentrated her energy, thoughts and ambitions on her family. Her aim was to raise her children, please her husband and, a cherished dream for many in those days, hope eventually to move to a separate house with her children away from the husband's family. That was the ultimate any would hope for realistically.

What about now? Have there been any changes? In fact yes. There are a great many changes happening to that stereotype of days now largely gone bye.

The first change that took place gradually was in the marriage procedures themselves. Now some families allow the groom to see the bride once at her home : they call this " El Nazra Al Sharia" i.e. " allowed first look". However, the couple is still not allowed to meet or go out until "the Melka " or marriage contract.