Dealing with the 'B' Manager

We are referring to the 'B' Manager. For most, the best solution is to peruse the classifieds and find a new position, but if you are mug enough to stay or unable to remove yourself from the line of fire you will need some tips on how to identify, analyse and finally deal with this most troublesome breed.

Bullying Managers can be put into four types:

1. The Bulldog Bully

This is a manager who resorts to raised voices and aggressive body language to get their way and refuses to allow you to state your case often with a torrent of verbose. Other techniques include getting red in the face, using abusive language, slamming doors and banging the table a great deal. They operate under a cloud of fear and employees are petrified of making any slips or mistakes in case they incur the boss's substantial wrath, this leads to a lack of desire to take any responsibility for tasks outside the employee's job specification and any creativity is stifled.

2. The Silver Tongued Tempter

This type is most skillful and cunning, not for them the crudities of the active bully their style is wholly more covert but no less devastating. They happily promise great rewards and watch with glee at the extra activity their falsehoods generate. When the unfortunate victim realizes the full extent of the STB's empty promises and complains the STB then accuses them of negativity, because they dare to take them at their word. Often the STB will blame the withheld reward on 'situations beyond my control', 'other departments' or change the goal posts. For example an employee in a local financing firm was promised a promotion to team-leader with the associated pay rise, when the date arrived for her promotion the manager explained that the company wouldn't pay her a supervisor' s wage until she had 'proven herself'! This results in apathetic de-motivated and disengaged staff.

3. Messrs Reasonable & Co

This one somehow manages to make all your requests seem not only ridiculous but outrageous too and convince you that their interpretation of the situation is perfectly acceptable and even normal, when, in fact, the reverse is true. The outcome is staff adopting a work to rule style and rejecting any attempt to take any initiative, as the perception is that there will be no back-up or assistance.

4. The Trapper

Perhaps the trapper is the worst of the lot, if there is a 'worst'. These managers will actively work to set-up the unfortunate victim by setting vague or difficult work tasks or engineering an altercation so that they can paint the employee into or corner or use the event as an excuse for trumped up charges or even verbal/written warnings. This style results in massive turnover as staff get wise to the scammer and look for more ethical managers elsewhere.

Solutions

The first step to standing up to these ogres is to check your assertiveness rating, you don't need to be transformed into being an excessively dominant or aggressive individual but ask these questions:

• 'How can I become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of aggressive/ excessively dominant people?'

• 'How can I stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)?'

• 'How can I exert a little more control in situations that are important to me?'

Aggressiveness is not a natural behaviour for most - the fact is that people are not naturally assertive. The aggressiveness of highly dominant people tends to be driven by their personality (and often some insecurity). It is not something that has been 'trained'. For anyone seeking to increase their own assertiveness it is helpful to understand the typical personality and motivation of aggressive people, who cause the most pain to submissive people. It's helpful also at this point to point out the difference between aggression, assertiveness and submission:

Good leadership is inclusive, developmental, and a force for what is right. Good leadership does not 'dominate' non-assertive people, it includes them and involves them. Dominance as a management style is not good in any circumstances. It is based on short-term rewards and results, mostly for the benefit of the dominant, and it fails completely to make effective use of team-member's abilities and potential. The fact is that most excessively dominant people are usually bullies. Bullies are deep-down very insecure people. They dominate because they are too insecure to allow other people to have responsibility and influence, and this behaviour is generally conditioned from childhood for one reason or another. The dominant bullying behaviour is effectively reinforced by the response given by 'secure' and 'non-assertive' people to bullying. The bully gets his or her own way. The bullying dominant behaviour is rewarded, and so it persists.

Dominant, bullying people, become positively conditioned to bullying behaviour, usually from a very young age, because in their own terms it works. Their own terms are generally concerned with satisfying their ego and selfish drives to get their own way, to control, to achieve status (often implanted by insecure ambitious parents), to manipulate, make decisions, build empires, to collect material signs of achievement, monetary wealth, and particularly to establish protective mechanisms, such as 'yes-men' followers ('body-guards'), immunity from challenge and interference, scrutiny, judgement, etc. Early childhood experiences play an important part in creating bullies. Bullies are victims as well as aggressors. And although it's a tough ask for anyone on the receiving end of their behaviour they actually deserve sympathy. Non-assertive people do not normally actually aspire to being excessively dominant people, and they certainly don't normally want to become bullies. When most people talk about wanting to be more assertive, what they really mean is 'I'd like to be more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people.' Doing this is not really so hard, and using the simple techniques above it can even be quite enjoyable and fulfilling.

Importantly, the non-assertive person should understand where they really are - a true starting point: non-assertive behaviour can be a sign of strength not weakness, and often it is the most appropriate behaviour for most situations - don't be fooled into thinking that you always have to be more assertive. Understand where you want to be: what level of assertiveness do you want? Probably to defend yourself, and to control your own choices and destiny (which are relatively easy using the techniques below), not to control others. For people who are not naturally assertive, it is possible to achieve a perfectly suitable level of assertiveness through certain simple methods and techniques, rather than trying to adopt a generally more assertive personal style (which could be counter-productive and stressful, because it would not be natural). People seeking to be more assertive can dramatically increase their effective influence and strength by using just one or two of these four behaviours prior to, or when confronted by a more dominant character or influence, or prior to and when dealing with a situation in which they would like to exert more control. Here are some simple techniques and methods for developing self-confidence and more assertive behaviour.

Assertiveness and self-confidence methods and techniques

1. Know your facts and have them to hand.
2. Anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your responses.
3. Prepare and use good open questions.
4. Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression.
5. Have faith that your own abilities ultimately work if you let them.
6. Feel sympathy for bullies.

Know your facts

Ensure you know all the facts in advance - do some research, and have it on hand ready to produce Bullies usually fail to prepare their facts; they dominate through bluster, force and reputation. If you know and can produce facts to support or defend your position it is unlikely that the aggressor will have anything prepared in response. When you know that a situation is going to arise, over which you'd like to have some influence, prepare your facts, do your research, do the sums, get the facts and figures, solicit opinion and views, be able to quote sources; then you will be able to make a firm case, and also dramatically improve your reputation for being someone who is organised and firm.

Anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your responses

Role-play in your mind how things are likely to happen. Prepare your responses according to the different scenarios that you think could unfold. Prepare other people to support and defend you. Being well prepared will increase your self-confidence and enable you to be assertive about what's important to you.

Prepare and use good open questions

Prepare and use good questions to expose flaws in other people's arguments. Asking good questions is the most reliable way of gaining the initiative, and taking the wind out of someone's sails, in any situation. Questions that bullies dislike most are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. For example:

'What is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?'
'Who have you consulted about this?'
'How did you go about looking for alternative solutions?'
'How have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?'
'How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?'
'What can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations?'
And don't be fobbed off. Stick to your guns. If the question is avoided or ignored return to it, or re-phrase it (which you can prepare as well).

Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to Aggression

Re-conditioning your own reaction to dominant people, particularly building your own 'triggered reactions', giving yourself 'thinking time' to prevent yourself being bulldozed, and 'making like a brick wall' in the face of someone else's attempt to dominate you without justification. Try visualising yourself behaving in a firmer manner, saying firmer things, asking firm clear, probing questions, and presenting well-prepared facts and evidence. Practice in your mind saying 'Hold on a minute - I need to consider what you have just said.' Also practice saying 'I'm not sure about that. It's too important to make a snap decision now.' Also 'I can't agree to that at such short notice. Tell me when you really need to know, and I'll get back to you.' There are other ways to help resist bulldozing and bullying. Practice and condition new reactions in yourself to resist, rather than cave in, for fear that someone might shout at you or have a tantrum. If you are worried about your response to being shouted at then practice being shouted at until you realise it really doesn't hurt - it just makes the person doing the shouting look foolish.

Have faith that your own abilities will ultimately work if you use them

Non-assertive people have different styles and methods compared to dominant, aggressive people and bullies. Non-assertive people are often extremely strong in areas of process, detail, dependability, reliability, finishing things (that others have started), checking, monitoring, communicating, interpreting and understanding, and working cooperatively with others. These capabilities all have the potential to undo a bully who has no proper justification. Find out what your strengths and style are and use them to defend and support your position. The biggest tantrum is no match for a well organised defence.